“Go as far as you can seem and when you get there, you will always be able to see farther. “ Zig Zigler
When my article on “In Crisis” came out in Straits Times on 16 March, I received a lot of emails from people who were at a career or financial crossroads. There was one email in particular that I struggled with before I replied.
This was from an “unlucky professional” C, who had lost his job and was not able to get another job as he was a senior (he did not gave his actual age). Even though he “did not mind getting a lower-than-his-previous-paid job, he was not given the opportunity to not only earn just a humble daily living but coach and train the younger generations so his hard earned experiences and knowledge can be utilized or refined.”
So now he has no job, no money, his wife “despises” him, his friends avoid him and suicide has entered his mind.
Sounds like a familiar story? Absolutely, even in a prosperous country like ours. Just in the last few days alone, I have met several others in similar situations. One lady, who used to be a director of sales in a major hotel, earned great income, but decided to leave her job some years back to start her own business, which eventually failed. Today, she is in her 50s, in poor health, unable to get another job, and as she shared tearfully, can’t even afford a $5 meal. She, like C, is “striving alone in this unkind and unsupportive world.”
What can I say to such individuals as a coach? Is there a way out for them? I would like to think so.
Here are my suggestions on how you can become your own coach:
1. First, you need to get out from the “poor me” mode – remove all negative thoughts and emotions from your mind. Stay objective in this self-coaching exercise.
2. Make a list of what you really want for yourself the next one year and the next 5 years. Remember, no negative thoughts. You are not allowed to put yourself down, so don't think: “I don’t even have money to buy lunch, how to be financially free in five years?” These are self-defeating thoughts that will get you nowhere. Your job as your own coach is to visualize the best for yourself and don’t worry at this point how it’s going to be done.
This is a really crucial part as most people just get stopped even before they get started. the Law of Attraction takeaction. If you are always thinking negative thoughts like: “I’m too old to get a job.” “I have no support” and so on, you can be sure you will attract just those things into your life. It’s all a self-fulfilling prophecy.
At this point, there is no need to figure out the “how”, important is to get your destination – the “where” – straight in your mind first. As the rabbit said to Alice in Wonderland when she asked for directions, “If you don’t know where you want to go, it doesn’t matter very much which road to take.”
3. Next, list down your strengths. What are you good at, what are your past experiences? What have you done well before? What are your past achievements and successes? No matter how mundane they seem, just write them down so you can build as long a list as possible. As a coach, you must make no judgements. So your list could even include things like, “Make a good cup of coffee,” “Good listener” and so on.
4. Then, list down who can help you. Not who will help, but who can help. Again, no judgement or conclusion at this point. “Forget about Brian, he won’t want to help me!”
5. The next list to make is who you can help. With all the strengths and abilities, and even resources that available to you currently, who can you help? For example: “I can help encourage and motivate others who are at a crossroad like me.” Or “I can coach young people who are less experienced than me in….”
The importance of doing this is to take yourself away from the mindset of simply taking to one of giving. There are just too many people who are always thinking: “I want to get a job that gives me…” and too few thinking, “What value can I offer to this company?”
When my mentor Robert Kiyosaki said, “Don’t work for money,” what he means is money must not be the primary objective for work. Work because it’s your passion to share your experience or because you know you can add value to the employer; take a job because you want to learn a skill or get new experience, and so on. The money is secondary.
I have interviewed countless job-seekers in my years as a manager and business owner and I can tell you the majority of them are in the “taking” rather than “giving” mode. One recent example is a young man who walked into an interview for marketing executive, and promptly asked, “How much are you paying?” I was stunned and almost retorted, “Can I first do the interview so I can decide whether you are suitable enough for me to offer you a job?”
6. Finally, as Zig Ziglar said, you just have to go as far as you can see. Lay down an action plan, start talking to the people on your lists, and remember, go with a win-win approach, with a clear focus on how you can help the other party first, rather than what you can get out of him or her. Just do it!
Article was published in the Straits Times on April 8, 2010
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