We will have opportunities to get angry, stressed or
offended every single day. That is a
given. The question is, what are you willing to give up to indulge in these
negative emotions: peace of mind, power over your happiness? Here is a look at the anatomy of anger.
Have you ever felt so consumed with rage that, if you had a gun
then, you would gladly shoot the object of your anger? I have. Not shot
someone, but felt that kind of rage, I mean. I’m just glad I didn’t have a gun
or any other weapon then!
Very often, we’ve reacted to such bouts of anger, perhaps not to
that extreme, but bad enough for us to feel regret and even remorse, later. We have
read of cases of “road rage” – a group of motocyclists harassing a couple until
the seven-month pregnant wife suffers a miscarriage; another agitated driver
throwing a spanner and blinding a little girl… Or of fatal stabbings of a
mother after a fierce quarrel and the daughter throwing herself off their sixth
floor flat after.
Indeed, of all the emotions that people want to escape, rage seems
to be the most intransigent. Diane Tice, a psychologist at Case Western Reserve
University, found anger to be the mood people are worst at controlling. Says
Daniel Goleman in his book Emotional Intelligence, “Anger is the most seductive
of the negative emotions, the self-righteous inner monologue that propels it
along, fills the mind with the most convincing arguments for venting rage.
Unlike sadness, anger is energizing, even exhilarating.”
Yes, you may feel so good in the few moments after you have “let
off steam,” but the consequences may be too high a price to pay for that few
moments. For some, it may be remorse leading to suicide; for others, time
behind bars. In less extreme cases, it may be a destroyed relationship, loss of
a job, and in the long term, it will certainly take a toll on your health.
The
Anatomy of Anger
What is anger? According to Charles Spielberger, PhD, a
psychologist who specializes in the study of anger, anger is “an emotional
state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage.”
Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes.
When you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, so do the levels
of your energy hormones – adrenaline and noradrenaline. Anger can be caused by
external events e.g. when our lives or those of our families are endangered (as
when another driver suddenly cuts into our path causing us to lose control of
our vehicle) or when we feel an injustice has been done to us (as when our boss
unfairly promotes someone else less efficient for personal reasons). Or it can
be caused by internal events e.g. by internal worries and even memories of
traumatic past events. Our anger can be directed at others or even ourselves
for mistakes or errors in judgement that we have made.
The
emotion of anger is neither good nor bad. It’s perfectly healthy and normal to
feel angry when you’ve been mistreated or wronged. The feeling isn't the
problem—it's what you do with it that makes a difference. Anger becomes a
problem when it harms you or others. There are two main approaches to dealing
with anger – expressing or suppressing.
Many
subscribe to the belief that catharsis – giving vent to anger – is an effective
way to handle the emotion. The popular theory is that “it makes you feel
better.” University of Alabama psychologist Dolf Zillman, after a lengthy
series of experiments, found this to be not
necessarily true.
Tice
found that ventilating anger is one of the worst ways to cool down – angry
outbursts typically pumps up the emotional brain’s arousal, leaving people
feeling more angry, not less. When people took their rage out on the person who
provoked it, the net effect was to prolong the mood rather than end it.
Expressing
your anger in an assertive – not aggressive - manner is the healthiest way to
express anger. To do this, says Tice, first cool down, and then, in a more
constructive or assertive manner, confront the person to settle the dispute.
Easier said than done, says the hot-tempered person. Those with a
hot temper may feel like it’s out of their hands and there’s little they can do
to tame the beast. But you have more control over your anger than you think.
You can learn to express your emotions without hurting others—and
when you do, you’ll not only feel better, you’ll also be more likely to get
your needs met. Mastering the art of anger management takes work, but the more
you practice, the easier it will get. And the payoff can be huge. Learning to
control your anger and express it appropriately can help you build better
relationships, achieve your goals, and lead a healthier, more satisfying life.
There are people who, instead of expressing their anger, choose to
suppress their emotion by not thinking about it and focusing on something
positive. The danger in this type of response is that the suppressed feelings
can turn inward – on yourself. Suppressed anger may cause hypertension, high blood
pressure, depression, or a host of other chronic diseases – heart disease,
diabetes, a weakened immune system.
Suppressed anger can also create other pathological problems. It
can lead to passive-aggressive behavior like getting back at people indirectly,
without telling them why; or a personality that is hostile and cynical.
Look out for my next article, where I will share some tips to help you stay in control and defuse anger into constructive energy.
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