Count Your Blessings

“Fill your world with love and laughter. Never mind what anguish lies behind you. Forget, forgive, love and laugh.”

I have just returned from a short mission trip to Northern Thailand. As I visited the villages, drug rehab centers, children’s homes and numerous churches and schools set up by Christian groups and missionaries, I’m again amazed at the passion and joy felt by the local Christians. To us “big city” folks, they may appear to have so little, yet we are truly unmatched in the simple passion they have for God and the gratitude they show for little blessings they receive.

At one small little “church” in the middle of an Akha village in particular, I was moved to tears as I watched one man played his guitar and sang songs of praise. I couldn’t understand a word, but the passion I see on his face…. my tears just flowed.

I was particularly moved by the children at the Agape Children’s Home in Chiang Rai. Started by a Malaysian pastor some 18 years ago, I watch as 37 kids from age 3 to 17, joyfully celebrate Christmas with us (there were 36 people in our group). They sang and danced for us, and laughed gleefully when we played a simple game with them.

Yet, they have so little – lunch for them was just rice and a cucumber stew with bits of sausages. We brought a roast chicken along and again, the joy they showed was priceless. Our partner who came along with my husband and I, Dr Kevin Ong did a quick health check for the kids and found they were mostly undernourished, many suffered from tonsillitis and various infections.

Well, as one of our group members, Belinda said, being moved emotionally is not enough, we need to be moved to action as well. If you want to know how you can help, do write to me and I would love to share more with you.

I am so thankful that I have the opportunity to make a difference in some lives. Here is something from a book called God Calling which I hope will inspire you as much as it did me: “Leave every soul the braver and happier for having met you. For children or youth, middle or old age, for sorrow or sin, for all you may encounter in others, this should be your attitude. Love and Laugh… Fill your world with love and laughter. Never mind what anguish lies behind you. Forget, forgive, love and laugh.”

Get the Control Back in Your Life

More often than not, we get stressed out when deadlines loom and the mountain of work seems to be getting higher. You may be surprised to hear this: it’s never about the amount of work per se; the stress comes from a feeling of having lost control. If you look back at the happiest time of your time, most likely you will find it was a time when you had autonomy in your life – a feeling that you have options and time to exercise those options. A good way to test if you have autonomy is to look at your calendar and see how much white space there is and ask, “What’s left for me?”

How does one get autonomy? Firstly, you must manage your time more effectively. Second, you have to learn skills that will help you work smarter. Finally, you must constantly protect space for yourself; to the point of being a little bit selfish and not giving all your time away.

Let’s start by putting first things first, as time management guru Stephen Covey advises. He has a wonderful analogy for effective time management which I have followed to this day, since his First Thing First book came out more than 10 years ago. Picture a big tank, which you want to fill up with big rocks, stones, pebbles, sand and water. For optimum efficiency, in what order would you put these in? Obviously, the big rocks first, followed by the smaller stones and pebbles, give it a little jiggle, then the sand and finally the water.

Well, in preparing your daily or weekly schedule, Covey stresses that the key is not to prioritize what's on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities. Decide first what are the priorities in your life – the most important ones are the big rocks you need to put into your schedule first, and not last, when the extra time comes around (they never do!). The best is to do a weekly or even monthly schedule so you can put all the various items in – let’s say, you block out your working hours, then fill up the white spaces with activities in order of priority in your life e.g. God, family, self (recreation), career, and so on.

Then do the same with your work hours, prioritise your tasks and duties first, then slot them in. Take into account things like when is your inner rhythm at its peak, so you can schedule the most taxing tasks which need full concentration.

Another tip from Covey is to put your tasks into four quadrants: Urgent and Important; Not Urgent but Important; Urgent but Not Important; and Not Urgent, Not Important. Very often, we get distracted by things which are urgent and screaming for our attention; but we have to be smart enough to turn away things which are not important. A case in point: we are busy with our work, and suddenly, a phone call comes to tell you your 20-year old niece has just arrived from Australia, can you fetch her please? The smart thing to do is to arrange for her to take a cab instead.

What we often put aside are things we should do – things that are not urgent but are important to our future e.g. taking time off to learn skills that can help us work smarter, or help us move up the corporate ladder, whatever your goal may be.

Well, if you are feeling stressed out, use this tool starting today and I assure you, you will soon regain control in your life. To borrow a phrase from Nike, just do it!

For more tips on how to manage stress effectively, click here.

Mindless Eating

I had a tearful evening watching the tear-jerker My Sister’s Keeper. I suppose it’s never easy watching your loved one die. It creates the eternal debate: Is it better to know when you are going to depart from this life, or simply go without knowing? Those who have watched the movie Bucket List (my favourite!) would probably say, “yes” to knowing; at least we can make our bucket list and do all the things we have always wanted to do before the final goodbye.

Anyway, what such movies do is to reinforce in me the passion to get more people to take full responsibility for their health. There is so much we can do to keep and stay healthy – all simple disciplines that we will even enjoy, once we make a decision to follow them. It’s just that most people are just too lazy to even think about them. They would rather remain ignorant, and as we know, if we had ever seen a sick person dying, or watched the movies I mentioned, ignorance is certainly not bliss.

Take good nutrition for example. Why not focus on taking more delicious foods that are good for us, and less (not total deprivation) foods that we know are not good for us?

The trouble is most of us are indulging in mindless eating and lifestyle habits; often we don’t even enjoy what we put into our mouths or know why we like to stuff ourselves with potato chips whenever we turn on the television. Or why we just automatically light up that cigarette that we know is poisoning our lungs? Or must drink that cup of coffee in the morning? If you really think about it, you will realize it was probably not about how you enjoyed the taste.

The first time you smoked, you probably choked. Similarly the first time you drank coffee, you probably didn’t really like it. This is our body reacting to what is really not good for it.

But the road to success is not ruthlessly cutting out all your habits, although that has worked for many, once they found their motivation. My mother quit smoking “cold turkey” after she was hospitalized for a stomach ulcer. My husband also quit immediately after a speaker at a seminar pointed out how distasteful it was for non-smoking business associates to breathe in the foul breath of a smoker.

You don’t have to go that road where food is concerned. As Dr Brian Wansink suggested in his book Mindless Eating, the key to change lies in middle. You can turn the food in your life from being a temptation or a regret to something you guiltlessly enjoy. You can move from mindless overeating to mindless better eating, says Dr Wansink.

For some tips on how you can do that, go to:http://complete-health-guide.com/free-health-ezine-7.html or write to me at coach@health-coach-international.com.

Manage Your Anger

“Anger is the most seductive of the negative emotions; the self-righteous inner monologue that propels it along, fills the mind with the most convincing arguments for venting rage. Unlike sadness, anger is energising, even exhilarating.”- Daniel Goleman

Of all the negative emotions that people want to escape, rage seems to be the most intransigent. Diane Tice, a psychologist at Case Western Reserve University, found anger to be the mood people are worst at controlling.

In fact, many don’t even feel the need to control it; they feel self-righteous about their anger. Indeed, anger does have a positive side to it, as it can also motivate us to be proactive and take the necessary action to get out of certain undesirable situations.

Unfortunately, it’s when people do not know how to manage their anger well, that they do harm, not only to others, but to their own health and happiness. Some keep their anger bottled up, thus giving rise to health problems like heart attacks, hypertension and strokes. On the other hand, many believe that catharsis – giving vent to anger – is an effective way to handle anger. University of Alabama psychologist Dolf Zillmann, after a lengthy series of experiments, found this to be not necessarily true.

Tice agrees, and concludes that ventilating anger is one of the worst ways to cool down – angry outbursts typically pumps up the emotional brain’s arousal, leaving people feeling more angry, not less. When people took their rage out on the person who provoked it, the net effect was to prolong the mood rather than end it. Far more effective, says Tice, is to first cool down and then, in a more constructive or assertive manner, confronted the person to settle the dispute.

There’s a story told of an old farmer who had suffered a lifetime of afflictions and injustices, but has kept his sense of homour. When asked, “How have you managed to keep so happy and serene?” he answered, “It isn’t hard; I’ve just learned to cooperate with the inevitable.”

Don’t let anger rob you of your own happiness and peace of mind. Learn to reframe events in a more positive light. Tell yourself, “I’m in control. I chose not to be enraged.” Deep breathing also helps. Only when you have calmed down, then you are better able to think things through and find the best way to resolve the conflict.

Anger can only strip the music from life if you allow it to.


This is Tool #6 in the Survival Kit for Stress. To read about other tools, go to: http://www.complete-health-guide.com/stress-autonomy.html or write to editor@complete-health-guide.com

A Doggone Life

Today I came across some powerful tips that I thought were great:

Things We Can Learn from a Dog
1. Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride
2. Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be
pure ecstasy.
3. When loved ones come home, always run and greet them.
4. When it’s in your best interest, practice obedience.
5. Let others know when they have invaded your territory.
6. Take naps and stretch before rising.
7. Run, romp, and play daily.
8. Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.
9. Be loyal.
10. Never pretend to be something you’re not.
11. If what you want is buried, dig until you find it.
12. When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle him or her gently.
13. Thrive on attention.
14. Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
15. On hot days, drink lots of water and sit under a shady tree.
16. When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
17. Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
18. No matter how often you are scolded, don’t buy the guilt thing and pout – run right back and
make friends.

Now I know why my husband loves me so much – I practice most of the above. I guess I just need to work more on (17) with him, I’m just so lazy, he goes for walks alone!

In Pursuit of Passion

As Steve Jobs, founder of Apple Computers said in his very inspiring speech to a group of Stanford graduands recently, “You’ve got to find what you love to do…. The only way to do great is to love what you do. Keep looking and don’t settle.”

Last week I celebrated my 48th birthday – wow, I can’t believe I have actually spent 48 great years on this planet; I still feel not a day older than 28! In fact, whenever someone asks me my age, I actually have to do some calculation to work it out…

Anyway, I thank God for all these wonderful years – I have experienced so many different things in my life… acted in a movie; run a magazine for 9 years; retired at 36; went back to work at World Wildlife Fund – experienced so much and had a great time traveling the world with WWF; enjoyed myself speaking at business conventions in Australia, NZ, Malaysia and Singapore; and now, a trainer and coach! I’ve also done adventurous stuff like climb mountains, snow-skied at different resorts around the world, walk on fire, sky diving, gone up in a free-flying hot air balloon and landed on a tree... Whew!!! (I think the next thing I want to do is to learn to fly a plane.)

And I’m certainly nowhere near stopping… there’s so much more I want to pursue with passion. What I see for myself in the years to come? Continue to help more people find their passion so they can do what they really love to do instead of work 9 to 5 at a job they hate or find no fulfillment in. I also want to give back more to society and do more mission work in third world countries.

Yes, it’s all about finding your passion if you want a truly fulfilling and happy life. I found my passion early and see it continue to evolve as I myself continue to learn and grow. I remember what I wrote in my magazine column some 10+ years ago: When I pass on, I want my epitaph to read, “Someone who lived life with passion and never stop learning.” That still holds so, so true for me.

CELEBRATE CHOICE, UNDERSTAND CONSEQUENCES

Life is simply a sum total of the choices we have made. As Zig Ziglar said, “You are free to choose, but the choices you make today will determine what you will have, be and do in the tomorrow of your life.”

Yes, we humans are all blessed with the freedom to choose, and in places where this freedom is restricted, we fight for our right to choose. However, we must look further than that. We must also understand that whatever choice we decide upon, there are consequences we will inevitably face.

I attended the much talked about and much publicised Aware EGM on 2nd May where the majority of the members managed to “throw out” the existing Exco at that time. Much of what the supporters of the “old guard” said is, in my opinion, valid. But there were also a substantial number – 700+ – who supported the then Exco. These people also had valid arguments, which unfortunately were unheard simply because they were non-activists (if there’s such a term) and thus not as vocal or “passionate” about their views.

Upon personal reflection, the lesson I take away is this: We need to be absolutely aware (no pun intended) of what those of us who are in more authoritative and influential roles are communicating to people under our direct influence. A case in point is freedom of choice in terms of sexual preferences. Yes, in a free country like ours, we respect an individual’s choice with regards to this, but be aware that we are also effectively communicating the consequences of such choices.

Veering away from the controversial issue of sexual preference, let us look at the more common example of smoking to illustrate what I mean. Let’s say we choose to smoke. That’s a simple decision or choice. You may then look at the consequences – like future health problems, but then, this is often ignored. Why? Simply because, the consequence is “iffy” and may only happen in the faraway future. You DO NOT drop dead the moment you light up a cigarette. It’s not an immediate consequence.

But lighting up that first cigarette is only the first in a series of what my mentor Jerry Clark calls, “simple errors in judgement.” One error will lead to the next (hey, I smoked one cigarette and I’m still alive!) and the next and eventually lead to a dreadful or even deadly consequence that you will surely NOT celebrate.

I am not anti-gay. When I was the editor of a woman’s magazine, I had three gay staff whom I was very close to. I used to hang out with them and their friends, listening to their stories and empathizing with their daily struggle for acceptance and recognition. One of them committed suicide a couple of years back; he was only in his 20s. I felt totally devastated by what happened. Did he make the right choices? Was he aware of the consequences when he made those choices?

I look forward to an even more effective Aware; as a member now (long delayed as I had wanted to join since it started but somehow had other priorities), I hope to be able to contribute both as a professional trainer and coach.

Stand Out From The Crowd

Let's face it - this is not the time to take your job fro granted. Jobs that were aplenty in Singapore are now dwindling as more companies are downsizing, or should we say “rightsizing”, and merging; some even closing down “overnight”. The Straits Times reported on 29 October 2008 that economists expect that the jobless rate will reach 3 per cent by end 2008 and early 2009, rising close to 4 per cent towards the end of 2009. No, I don’t intend to be a harbinger of doom, but let’s face it – dream jobs will be harder to come by, and you would need to have a foolproof strategy to get the job you want… and keep it!

First and foremost, you’ve got to start crafting out a personal brand for yourself that will set you apart from other job seekers. You need to stand out so the interviewer would notice you, and hopefully give you that dream job with the big fat remuneration package.

Personal branding used to be a nice-to-have edge, rather cool for the Oprah’s and Beckham’s, but not for the ordinary man or woman on the street.

Not anymore, says Tom Peters in his book Reinventing Work: the Brand You 50 – it’s now life or death. If we don’t start planning our personal reinvention N-O-W, we’ll be left far behind in the corporate world. We simply can’t afford to be ordinary anymore; ordinary has become a formula for disaster.

Here are some quick suggestions how you can get noticed:
1. Passion Sells!
-assion for your job gets you noticed and takes you places. Look at Oprah Winfrey, Bill Gates, Barack Obama and countless others who have caught the world's attention. the one thing that people who are Brands have in common is – Passion. Passion for what they do, passion for life, passion to make a difference.

Have you ever wondered why the world’s richest and most successful people keep on working? Bill Gate’s net worth runs in tens of billions and even if he and his wife spend $100 million a year, it would take them hundreds of years to finish off just the principal sum. The same goes for people like Oprah Winfrey, Anthony Robbins, Steven Spielberg, Bill Cosby and countless others. They still go in to work most days of the week, and in fact, I’m certain if you were to follow them around for just one day, you’ll be exhausted by how long and how hard they work.

There’s only one logical answer: Passion! As another of my favourite authors Steven Scott says, (people who are passionate) love what they’re doing so much that even when they could put their life on cruise control, they never take their foot off the accelerator. You will be hard put to find a dream-maker who does not have an all-consuming passion for his or her dreams.
Passion is the fuel that keeps us going, no matter what adversity we encounter, what obstacles come in our path, what pot-holes we see on the road to success. It is what drives us to take that few more steps, exhausted though our bodies may be, battered though our emotions may be. It is the one secret shared by every great achiever who has reached out for the stars and got it.
So if you are searching on what is the one thing that could help you stand out from the crowd, that could set you apart from your competitors, the answer could be found in your passion!

2. Craft out your USP
Let’s take a closer look at YOU. A good personal brand for you may be something which works just for you and no one else. That’s because all of us are unique. Madonna created a fantastic brand that has spelt great success for her. But if someone else were to come along and copied everything exactly as what Madonna does, and is – dressing as she did, even singing the same way; they would be doomed for failure.

So although each of us will have our role models to look up to and emulate; we must still work on a brand that truly belongs to us and no one else. And the best way to do that is to look at what our unique selling proposition or USP is.
In sales, the USP can be defined as why your customers buy from you and not your competitors.

Now, before you say, “Oh, but I’m not in sales” let me assure you that yes, you are! Every one of us are in sales if we want to be successful in life – every day of our lives, we are, or should be, selling ourselves and our ideas, if not actual goods and services.

* If you are an employee, write down why your employers hired you instead of someone else.
* If you are a wife/husband, write down why your spouse/partner chose you instead of someone else.
* If you have ever won any competition, write down why you won instead of someone else.
* If you are someone’s best buddy, write down why you and not someone else?

3. Look good, feel great!
It’s time to quit looking sloppy! Unless you want to stay mediocre for the rest of your life. If not, it’s time to start paying attention to how you look and the image you present to others. Now I’m not asking you to start splurging on expensive clothes, or take drastic measures to look like Miss Singapore or James Bond ( whatever is the male equivalent of Miss Singapore).

Simple things you can do: Start wearing colours that suit you; you can’t get noticed if you’re wearing safe black or grey everyday. Get an updated hairstyle that suits your face shape. Learn to dress for your body shape. It’s a simple philosophy that I subscribe to: when you look good, you will project yourself well; when you project well, people respond positively to you; when that happens, you feel great; and when you feel great, you look good! This is called the Circle of Success.

Article was featured in The Straits Times Singapore on 17 March 2009. To register for the Get the PERKS workshop or coaching, sms PERK to 8228 8938 or email jessica@imagecoach.com.sg. Website: http://www.imagecoach.com.sg

Gratitude

“Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.” – Cicero

As we enter the new year, many of us in trepidation, as the world plunge into what is possibly the worst economic crisis it has faced, we may be sorely tempted to look for who to blame for this mess we are in. Some of you may have lost your job and you may be ranting and raving at the bosses for their poor management and even poorer treatment of staff, like yourself, who had been so loyal to the company. Some of you may have been partners in a business that failed, and your heart is full of anger and hatred for those you blame for its demise.

But as Brother David Steindl-Rast says, and my mentor Dr Ernest Wong frequently stresses, “Gratefulness is the key to a happy life that we hold in our hands, because if we are not grateful, then no matter how much we have we will not be happy -- because we will always want to have something else or something more.”
So let us instead start this year, with a heart of gratitude and thankfulness for all the blessings we have, the people who love us, the friends who bring joy into our lives, the mentors who have guided us in our journey through life, and even for our bosses – good or bad – who have contributed to our growth.

For me, I want to thank many people who have touched my life:

Loren and Sandra, my gratitude to you for showing us the immense possibilities in life and how we can enhance our lives so we can impact the world. Despite all the brickbats you have received, know that you have been a wonderful influence to countless people, including me, and you have made us better people, and gave us unforgettable experiences and memories. We love you and pray for God’s blessings for you and your family.

My mother, who has sacrificed so much to bring us up, who give us unconditional love all the time. What would I have been without your pillar of strength!

My headmistress, Miss Cooke, for instilling strong values that have seen me theough the years.

My brother, KC, who has been my boss, mentor, teacher – I have learnt so much from you and I thank you for your faith and belief in me.

My mentor, Dr Ernest Wong, you have been a wonderful teacher and inspiration for so many – you have guided so many young people and provided a spark that will light up many, many lives. You have taught me about gratitude and appreciation for those who have helped us along our journey – there is no such thing as a “self-made” man or woman!

My mentor Robert Kiyosaki – the lives you have touched cannot be counted! It’s like the precession concept – you have created so many ripples with your ideas and that has multiplied manifold. You are one of the many I learnt gratitude from – thank you for acknowledging me in your book, it has been such an honour and has meant so much to me.

My husband, Patrick – you have been my greatest coach and inspiration. I have learnt so much from you that I find myself quoting your one-liners all the time! You are an incredibly wise and caring person, and such a blessing to all those who are coached by you.

And of course to my God, who has been there for me, even when I had forgotten or forsaken you. Thank you for the miracles and blessings you have given me!

There are so many others that I feel so grateful to, as they have helped made me what I am today… it’s impossible to name all of them.

Suffice it to say that in writing this article, I hope it will inspire you to pause and start counting your blessings with a grateful heart. I will sign off with this quote from Melodie Beattie: “Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity.... It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.”

Have a happy life!

Walking Down a New Street

Today, I would like to share an insightful little poem I came across by Portia Nelson called Autobiography in Five Short Chapters found in her book There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk.

Chapter One
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost .... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in this same place.
But, it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in ... it's a habit ... but, my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter Four
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter Five
I walk down another street.

As we enter 2009, full of hopes and dreams for this year and the years to come, are we going in, carrying the same bag of beliefs and habits, or are we ready to start making new choices?

My husband Patrick and I just came back from a 11-day trip to Northern Thailand, and it was indeed an eye opener for us. We became more aware as to how each and every one of us can contribute so much more to making this world a better place to live in. While the little things we do, based on the limited abilities we each seem to possess, may seem so minuscule to us, yet in total these very “insignificant” activities can make great significant changes in the lives of those we touch. A little smile, a kind word, a hug, a blessing given… can change the whole course of a life.

One person we met is Pastor Cheah, who started the Agape Children’s Home in Chiangrai. Originally from Penang, Malaysia, Pastor Cheah has now dedicated his life to helping unwanted and abandoned children in Chiangrai. Currently there are 48 children, aged 3 to 17 staying at this home. We celebrated Christmas with them and were indeed amazed and greatly touched to see the simple joy and happiness they have despite the circumstances. We see the older kids taking care of the younger, see how they praise and worship together in dilapidated living conditions, study under dim lights, share the house chores and play together. They may be poor in material goods but they are rich spiritually.

As in the story about the little boy walking on the beach and throwing back the stranded starfish one by one into the sea, undeniably, he can’t help save all the thousands of starfish, but what he does indeed matters to those he manages to help.

So, today, I hope you will think about what you, as one person can do, right now to help someone else have a better day… and then just do it!