Values

Stephen Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly effective People, says the four basic factors governing our behaviours are:

1. Security, representing our sense of worth, identity, emotional anchorage, self-esteem, basic personal strength or lack of;
2. Guidance, our source of direction in life, what governs moment-by-moment decision-making and actions;
3. Wisdom, our perspective in life, sense of balance, embracing judgement, discernment, comprehension; and
4. Power, the faculty to act, the strength and potency to accomplish something.

These four factors, says Covey, are interdependent. And when they are presented together, harmonized and enlivened by each other, they give rise to a noble personality, a balanced character, a beautifully integrated individual.

Affecting these four factors is one of a combination of values at the centre of our lives. Some of us are money- or possession-centred; a lot of women are spouse- or family-centred; some are work-centred; some pleasure-centred, etc. The most common is to be self-centred.

Knowing what our values are, gives us a clearer perspective in life. Is money or are possessions everything to us? Are our feelings of security based on the way our spouse treats us? Do we interpret all of our life in terms of our family? Such that when our kids grow up and start their own lives, we go through depression or what is called “empty nest syndrome”? Or do we define ourselves by our occupational role?

Unbeknownst to me, I went through that after I retired from my job as editor of a leading woman’s magazine. I only realized it when, two years after I had retired, I caught myself introducing myself as “former editor” of the magazine. I was shocked by my own realization – was that the label I would be stuck with for the rest of my life? By the way, I was only 36 when I retired so there was a lot of years left!

I knew my values lay in helping people to be more, do more and have more in their lives.  That was what drove me to start the magazine, and still drives me today. My job as editor may not be there after I gave up running the magazine, but my values are very much alive, even until today and God willing, to the day I leave this world.

The ideal is to create one clear centre based on principles, from which we can consistently derive a high degree of security, guidance, wisdom and power. Unlike other centres based on people or things that are subject to frequent changes, correct principles do not change.

Principles are deep fundamental truths imbedded in us. They don’t react to anything. They don’t get mad with us or divorce us. They are not there to make our lives better but for us to make them better. They don’t change with the behavior of others, the environment, or the current trends; only our understanding of them does.

So how do we go about setting our principles? Psychologist and author Victor Frankl says we detect rather than invent our missions in life.

In his profound words, “Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather must recognize that is he who is asked. In a word, each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible.”

My mentor Robert Fritz calls this the “dynamic urge” or our intrinsic desires. The dynamic urge is a genuine phenomenon of the human spirit in which people, no matter what the circumstances, continue to want to create something in their lives that matters to them. Says, Fritz, “It’s not about what your true desire can do for you, it’s what you can do for it.”

Discovery your true desire in life is by no means an easy task. It’s not something you can find all the answers to overnight. But when you do, it is well worth the effort seeking it. Life will take on a new dimension for you. You will never be bored, depressed or “lost”. The storms will still come, but you will hold steadfast, and triumph over whatever obstacles come your way. You will truly appreciate the saying, "it's not how many years you have in your life, but how much life you have in your years."

If you would like to share your thoughts with me or have questions you would like to ask me, do drop me a note at coltacademysg@gmail.com. I would love to connect with you!

Getting Ahead… Fast

Are you satisfied with how fast you are getting ahead, and the direction in which your career is heading? Or does it seem as if, no matter how hard you are working, your career is moving in slow motion while that of your contemporaries is growing by leaps and bounds?

Loyalty, hard work and perseverance are fine, but in today’s competitive working environment, where it’s easy to get the prerequisite paper qualifications and technical knowledge, and everybody’s working hard and smart, you need that something extra.

So how can you develop the pizzazz that can help your career take off?

Success. First decide what success means to you. You have to be absolutely clear about what you want from life – not just what “should” suffice, or what your parents, spouse, friends feel is “right” for you. Some people are too busy chasing success to pause and figure out what it really means to them. As Jane Wagner once said, “All my life I’ve wanted to be somebody. But now I see I should have been more specific.” Clarity is power. Only when you really know what it is you want, can you harness all your power and energy to move towards it.

Enthusiasm. Very often it’s not just how much you know but rather how eager you are to learn and how passionate you feel that matters. Enthusiasm and the hard work it inspires count far more than ability. A person who “knows her stuff” gets things done eventually but an enthusiastic person gets things done now. That is what really impresses people.

Reliability. This is one of the most important ingredients to anyone moving up the ladder. Enthusiasm without reliability is just a lot of hot air. You need someone who not only gets excited about a job, but who also follows through to the end. You know you can count on her.

Awareness. Be alert. In order to be successful, you need to be constantly aware of what’s going on around you. Find out what’s happening in the world, nationally, in your community, and in your industry, and how such events may affect your organization. Read more, and hang out with the right company. As Charlie Tremendous Jones once said, “You will be the same person in five years as you are today except for the people you meet and the books you read.”

Open Mindedness. Don’t react negatively to differing viewpoints. Try to see the other person’s side and avoid value judgements. Consider why she feels or thinks that way. Try to be impersonal in dealing with divergent opinions. Even if you disagree with an idea, make it clear it’s the idea rather than the person you’re against. Finally, be able to laugh at yourself. Take your work seriously but not yourself.

Mentor/Coach. In the beginning of your career, you would need someone older and wiser – typically a superior within your company or someone in the same industry or field, to help you figure out the basics: what to do, how to do it, what to say and when. As you move up, you need to develop not one but a network of people who have gone through similar experiences and can act as sounding boards for your ideas, decisions, strategies. Better still, get yourself a life coach, or executive coach. It may be the best investment you have ever made on yourself!

Caring about others. It’s not just what others can do for us, but also how sincerely we care for them. As the well-used saying goes, people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. Whether it’s your subordinates, peers, suppliers or even your boss, let them know you appreciate their viewpoint and understand the constraints under which they are working. Take time to listen to them. If something goes wrong, be ready to accept responsibility for your part.

Yes, you can get ahead fast, if you really put your mind and efforts into it. Just remember, if you really want to reach for the brass ring, there are sacrifices that go along. That’s why it’s so important to define success for yourself. And finally, more than enough books and articles have been written on success; ultimately the only way for you to succeed is to make a change. NOW.

If you are ready to take action now, drop me a note at coltacademysg@gmail.com and share your story with me so we can inspire more people!

How Real is Your Dream?

“Some people see things that are and ask why? I dream dreams that never was and ask why not?” – George Bernard Shaw

We all have big dreams… of being a great writer, of touching the lives of others in a significant way, of changing the world. But unfortunately, very often these dreams are shrouded by doubts of your own ability, disillusion with the world, unpleasant experiences, negative comments or even derision of others. For many the dream soon dissipates, and with it, the will to shape our destiny.

Yet, have you really thought about what makes one person a billionaire and another a pauper, struggling to make ends meet? Apart from factors, like being born into the right family, given the right opportunities, etc. Think of people like Kim Woo-Choong, founder and chairman of Daewoo Group, who together with four others, started off in a small, drab rented room, but he had a dream bigger than universe itself – to contribute to social development through corporate activity. Says Kim, “Dreams often make the person. They control his personality, his work, even his destiny.”

Or think of bestselling author and highest paid trainer/coach Anthony Robbins. He started off as a janitor, and became a millionaire by the age of 24. Was it not because they, and countless others, dared to dream, and focused on achieving those dreams?

The key word here is focus. Simply dreaming without focusing our attention and effort into realizing those dreams is useless. Says Robbins, “One reason so few of us achieve what we truly want is that we never direct our focus; we never concentrate our power. Most people dabble their way through life, never deciding to master anything in particular. In fact, I believe most people fail in life simply because they major in the minor.”

However, you may ask, how can I even focus when I am not even sure what I really want in life, what are my own strengths and what I am capable of, or how to get to where I want to go? Well, as is often said, clarity is power.

Many people may in fact, be dreaming dreams that do not really belong to them. They claim, “I will be a millionaire in one years’ time!” simply because they think it’s a good dream, or they may have heard their friends or associates enunciating a similar dream.

Just like why so many beauty pageant contestants say, “I want world peace.” But is it really their dream? Is it a fire burning inside? Or simply a concept or ideal that seems like the right thing to say?

That is why I truly believe it is so important to work with a life coach. Someone who can be objective, who can sieve through the many vague hopes and longings that are so unclear, and unfocussed that you never even get started.  Someone to help you finally get to what my mentor, Robert Fritz, bestselling author of Path of Least Resistance, calls your Dynamic Urge, or your intrinsic desires.

Oftentimes people want what they want because of the situation they are in. Not enough money to buy a car, so work longer hours. When the situation is resolved – you have saved enough to buy the car, the effort stops, and soon enough, you find yourself in another similar situation, and you start again. Are you really achieving what you want in life? Are these steps towards a bigger dream, or simply disruptive steps away from what you really want in life?

Says Fritz, the dynamic urge is a genuine phenomenon of the human spirit in which people, no matter what the circumstances, continue to want to create something that matters to them. Let your true desires become the foundation of your life-building process.

Once you have clarity, and focus (and vice versa as focus also brings more clarity), you can indeed open the door to create the life you really want!

Look at for my next article on what is the next thing you need to do once you are clear on what you want to create for yourself.

If you have queries or would like to share your thoughts, write to me at coltacademysg@gmail.com.

Evangelist for Success

I think of myself as an evangelist for success. You may ask why? Why does success matter and in fact, what does success in life means.

It's much more than just making tons of money. It's much more than what position of status we achieve in life. To me, it's about how much we have contributed to our fellow human beings. Like what educator, U.S. congressman and then president of Antioch College in Ohio, Horace Mann said 
to students, delivered in a baccalaureate address just a few weeks before his death: “Be ashamed to die until you have won some victory for humanity.” 

That is one of the reasons why, besides training and coaching, I am actively building a network marketing business. My interest in this industry started in the 1990s when I was still the Managing Editor of a business magazine for women called Woman At Work. We used to hold monthly networking events for our subscribers and there was this lady in her late forties whom I will always remember. She loved our events and would come every month without fail. However, every time I meet her, she would be complaining about her work, or her boss, until one day, I blurted out, "If you dislike your job/boss so much, why don't you quit."

Her answer will always stay in my mind. She replied, "Jessica, I don't have a choice. I'm not as talented as you. I've worked there for 20 over years. What would I do if I quit?'

So when I was first introduced to the concept of network marketing, I was intrigued by the idea. Here was an opportunity for people to start their own business while they are still employed full-time, with minimal capital outlay. They do not need to be "talented", they just need to be willing to put in the effort to lay the foundation. And with the amazing power of duplication, they have the potential to build a multi-million dollar business spanning the globe, and with the income, comes the freedom of choice if they want to continue working or not.

To prove that it works, I started building a network marketing business with my husband. By 2003, we had reached the highest level in our company, were earning a five-figure monthly income, and invited to speak all around the world. It was rewarding; it was fun as we travelled to so many countries; it was fulfilling, as we were able to impact so many lives. It was also empowering, as we became better speakers, more inspiring as leaders, and we grow in wisdom ourselves.

So, it is sad, when this wonderful industry that has given us so much, does not get the credit it deserves. It's a brilliant concept; unfortunately, given such a bad reputation by unscrupulous people with no ethics, or poorly managed companies without a long-term vision.

So, if you are looking for a better life, more choices and freedom, this is something you can consider, just be sure you select, the right company, and the right person to guide and coach you!

Get Fired Up

God gave us power and authority over every day to make it either good or bad. Every morning we have the choice whether it shall be a good or bad day.

I choose to make it a great day. It’s not about positive thinking. It’s about making a conscious choice to see the silver lining beneath every cloud that floats our way. There will always be challenges in life; the idea is to see them as challenges and not problems. Today, thanks to the training I received working with my brother last time, you won’t even hear me using the word “problem.” It’s wiped out from my vocabulary.

So, start the day with enthusiasm. As Charles M Swab says, “A man can succeed at almost anything for which he has unlimited enthusiasm.”

And enthusiasm does make a difference – that between success and failure. Norman Vincent Peale said in his book Enthusiasm Makes the Difference: “The people who do the most with their lives are those who approach human existence, its opportunities and its problems, even its rough moments, with a confident attitude and an enthusiastic point of view.”

He cautions though, “Enthusiasm builds a fire within a person, but he must control his enthusiasm for an idea or project rather than be controlled by it. He must never allow uncontrolled anticipation to run away with judgement and reason. Like any powerful force, uncontrolled enthusiasm can destroy, as controlled enthusiasm can create.”

How can we ignite this fire inside us? Historian Arnold Toynbee believes that enthusiasm can only be aroused by two things: first, an ideal which takes the imagination by storm, and second, a definite intelligible plan for carrying that ideal into practice.

Put simply, enthusiasm is not that abstract thing which “some have it, some don’t.” It just takes some dreaming, and a whole lot of planning. It is difficult for us to be enthusiastic about something we are not quite sure about.

That’s why I spend a lot of time researching and reading, and learning from my mentors about health. And the more I learn, the more enthusiastic and passionate I get about sharing what I have learnt. (Do check out my blog: meals2heal.blogspot.com for my articles on health.)

So, first, think a good day. Then, plan a good day. And finally, give the day all you’ve got, and it will give you all it’s got, which will be plenty.