Values

Stephen Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly effective People, says the four basic factors governing our behaviours are:

1. Security, representing our sense of worth, identity, emotional anchorage, self-esteem, basic personal strength or lack of;
2. Guidance, our source of direction in life, what governs moment-by-moment decision-making and actions;
3. Wisdom, our perspective in life, sense of balance, embracing judgement, discernment, comprehension; and
4. Power, the faculty to act, the strength and potency to accomplish something.

These four factors, says Covey, are interdependent. And when they are presented together, harmonized and enlivened by each other, they give rise to a noble personality, a balanced character, a beautifully integrated individual.

Affecting these four factors is one of a combination of values at the centre of our lives. Some of us are money- or possession-centred; a lot of women are spouse- or family-centred; some are work-centred; some pleasure-centred, etc. The most common is to be self-centred.

Knowing what our values are, gives us a clearer perspective in life. Is money or are possessions everything to us? Are our feelings of security based on the way our spouse treats us? Do we interpret all of our life in terms of our family? Such that when our kids grow up and start their own lives, we go through depression or what is called “empty nest syndrome”? Or do we define ourselves by our occupational role?

Unbeknownst to me, I went through that after I retired from my job as editor of a leading woman’s magazine. I only realized it when, two years after I had retired, I caught myself introducing myself as “former editor” of the magazine. I was shocked by my own realization – was that the label I would be stuck with for the rest of my life? By the way, I was only 36 when I retired so there was a lot of years left!

I knew my values lay in helping people to be more, do more and have more in their lives.  That was what drove me to start the magazine, and still drives me today. My job as editor may not be there after I gave up running the magazine, but my values are very much alive, even until today and God willing, to the day I leave this world.

The ideal is to create one clear centre based on principles, from which we can consistently derive a high degree of security, guidance, wisdom and power. Unlike other centres based on people or things that are subject to frequent changes, correct principles do not change.

Principles are deep fundamental truths imbedded in us. They don’t react to anything. They don’t get mad with us or divorce us. They are not there to make our lives better but for us to make them better. They don’t change with the behavior of others, the environment, or the current trends; only our understanding of them does.

So how do we go about setting our principles? Psychologist and author Victor Frankl says we detect rather than invent our missions in life.

In his profound words, “Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather must recognize that is he who is asked. In a word, each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible.”

My mentor Robert Fritz calls this the “dynamic urge” or our intrinsic desires. The dynamic urge is a genuine phenomenon of the human spirit in which people, no matter what the circumstances, continue to want to create something in their lives that matters to them. Says, Fritz, “It’s not about what your true desire can do for you, it’s what you can do for it.”

Discovery your true desire in life is by no means an easy task. It’s not something you can find all the answers to overnight. But when you do, it is well worth the effort seeking it. Life will take on a new dimension for you. You will never be bored, depressed or “lost”. The storms will still come, but you will hold steadfast, and triumph over whatever obstacles come your way. You will truly appreciate the saying, "it's not how many years you have in your life, but how much life you have in your years."

If you would like to share your thoughts with me or have questions you would like to ask me, do drop me a note at coltacademysg@gmail.com. I would love to connect with you!